Christmas with Granny

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Potsdam
Old Granny was stirring, as she worked on a scam;
The No Trespassing signs were hung on the Porch with care,
In hopes that Fat Bastard soon would be there;
The crotch bugs were nestled all snug in their dirty bed,
While visions of viral videos danced in her empty head;
And Granny in her kids clothes, and dirty ass hat,
Had just settled down in a pile of her crap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
She sprang from the hoard to see what was the matter.
Away to the window she flew like a dirty flash,
The wind blew through the window and showed her dirty old ass.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of disgust on her boobs that were so fucking low,
When, what to her creepy eyes should appear,
But a pizza delivery guy with a bottle of beer,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
She knew in a moment she must suck his dick.
Less teeth than a broken zipper she blew and he came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called bad names;
“Oh, GRANNY! You, SCAMMER! You, DIRTY OL PIG
If I did what you did the bleach I would swig
So back on the porch! Get over the rail!
Now Run away! Run away with yo’ nasty old tail
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The rolling and clanking of each lost toof.
As I feeling quite nauseous, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Ol Granny came that dirty old hound.
She was dressed all in kids clothes, from her head to the floor,
She looked like a giant 2 year old whore;
I could tell from the smell and the hump of her back,
That no one would bang unless she put on a sack.
Her creepy old eyes how they darted around!
Her disgusting old make up made her look like a clown!
Her toothless old mouth was drawn up like a bow,
The only sick fuck that would use it, would have to be Snow;
The stump of her gums and the gaps in teeth,
And a dried out old skin like November Leaf;
She had a wrinkly old face and a little round gunt,
Made me realize in a moment that I hated this cunt.
She danced and she sang like a demented drunk elf,
And I laughed when I saw her, but thought of killing myself;
With A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon let me know she was gonna give Kris head;
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
She grabbed his deformed dick and started jerk,
As her mouth went around his dick with the scar,
I knew this was my chance to run for my car;
She sprang to his junk, gave me a toothless whistle,
But I drove out of Potsdam like a mother fuckin missile.
But I heard her exclaim, as I drove out of sight,
AHHHWOOOO HAPPY CHRISTMAS YOU FUCKTARD KRIS SAYS I AM TIGHT!